Hey. Could we do that again? I know we haven't met, but I don't want to be an ant, you know? I mean, it's like we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another, continuously on ant autopilot, with nothing really human required of us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing along in an efficient, polite manner. "Here's your change." "Paper or plastic?' "Credit or debit?" "You want ketchup with that?" I don't want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I don't want to give that up. I don't want to be ant, you know?

I've been having a terrible time at work lately. Not because it's particularly difficult, but because it's mind-numbingly easy. There's nothing more depressing or frustrating than working retail during the holiday season. I'm an ant.

The other day, I was getting ready to go home, when one last customer walked up to my register. I started to say hello, but she cut me off, pointing at her ears and saying that she's deaf. I smiled and rang her out. As she's getting ready to leave, I tell her "have a good night" in sign language. And the woman flips out on me. She's so excited, she's stammering and fluttering her hands.

"It's easy, it's easy!" she exclaimed, "Drive...read..." Each word is punctuated by the sign. "Keep learning!" she said as she waved goodbye.

For a moment, I stopped being an ant. Unfortunately, those moments are few and far between. Everyone is conditioned to be ants, not just me.

On an unrelated note, I lost my story. I've been working on a short story for a few months now. I finally started typing up the first final draft, and was on a roll. Really, it was brilliant. And most of it was fresh, not written down at all. And I, idiot that I am, didn't save it. So when my computer died today, and closed down all my applications, my work was gone. Auto-recover did nothing. I don't remember a word of it. It was just stream-of-consciousness writing.

I tend to live with the thought that everything happens for a reason. Am I going to write something better? Or is the lost version as good as it's going to get, and gone forever?