Won't be seventeen forever

Today, my little sister turns seventeen. And I feel a slight panic attack coming on because of it. When we were kids, she followed our other sister (the one between us in age) and me like a puppy. Because back then, it was just the three of us. And even though there's a lot more of us now, and she doesn't follow us like that anymore, I still kind of see her that way. Like a child. Only now, she's seventeen, and I still remember that age as though it were yesterday, not three years ago. So in a way, it feels as though she's caught up with me, like she's my age.

And what really gets to me is that soon, she'll be eighteen, a real adult. And not too long after that, the sister below her will turn sixteen and start driving. And my three brothers under her will just keep getting older, and before I know it, even the baby will be entering junior high and high school, getting her license, going on dates. They all keep getting older, and meanwhile, so am I. I realized that today when I was talking to my mom. We were talking about children's t.v. shows and how weird they are. And then I did someone that I've made fun of my mom for most of my life.

"What's that one called? Bee-bos, or boo-bops, or something?"
"Doodlebops?"
"No, no, no. Boo-bahs!"

I sounded exactly like my mother when she's trying to recall the name of my latest band obsession. Which she made no hesitation about pointing out.

On a parallel note, I had a really intense night last night. I think most of it is probably too personal to spew out on the web (which shows just how personal it was, as I usually have no qualms about this sort of thing), but suffice to say that I experienced an emotion that I have never in my life felt before. And it scared me to death, because letting myself get to that place involved a lot of trust, which is something at which I've never been skilled. The reason I say it's on a parallel line is because it has to do with growing up and all the jazz that comes with it.

Oh, life. How you slay me.