Epiphany

Things change.

I know, avid readers (all four of you, plus the few who randomly stop by once in a great while), that this is not startling news. It is hardly epiphany-worthy; even calling it a realization is a bit of a stretch. But K. was driving me home tonight, and we started talking about what's been going on in her life since we last spoke. Which was quite a while ago--moving four hours away for nine months out of the year will do that to you.

"Everything's changed. I can't believe how different it all is now."
"Ha. Yeah, you're telling me. Nothing is the way it used to be."

And it's not.

I guess that what shocks me more than anything is the apparent lack of build-up. It just feels like all of a sudden, we go from kids to adults, and there's no wading into it from the kiddie side of the pool; it's a shove off the high dive into the deep end. In December.

Nick Horny says it better:

It's no wonder we're all such a mess, is it? We're like Tom Hanks in Big. Little boys and girls trapped in adult bodies and forced to get on with it. Except it's not just snogging and bunk beds, is it? There's all this as well.

And there you have it. The fact is, I realized today that the people I now consider my closest friends are all people that I didn't even know eighteen months ago. My baby sister is older than these friendships. And the people I was closest with before that? I barely even speak to most of them. There's no animosity really, we just grew up. Grew apart.

I know that's part of growing up; I get that. But I don't know if I was really ready for that shove; I wanted to stick my toe in the water first. In the past three months, my life has done a complete one-eighty; more than that, it has done a five-forty, a seven-twenty, an eight-ten, a fourteen-thirty-two, until I don't even know which way I came from or where I'm going.

The really strange thing about all of this is how I'm reacting. Typically, I'm not a person who accepts change. But all of this...I don't loathe it, I don't love it, I'm not indifferent. I accept it (and you should, too).

Sometimes, the more things change, the more things stay the same. And sometimes...oh, sometimes change is good and sometimes change is everything.

(Because what blog would be complete without at least one Grey's Anatomy quote somewhere in it?)