Square one?

If you could look into my head and see what I'm thinking, you would probably laugh. I honestly feel as though there's a tennis match inside my skull, only with four half-courts instead of two, opinions instead of nets, and decisions instead of tennis balls. It is slightly (perhaps more than slightly) ridiculous as to the number of times I've changed my mind today, and the speed at which this mind-changing has happened. I can honestly say that I've "made up my mind" approximately sixty-three different times today, between four or five different decisions.

I keep telling myself that nothing is easy, not anymore, and that I should stop expecting it to be. Expecting things to just be simple and carefree reaches a new level of self-absorption that even I cannot justify. So no matter what I decide to do, it's going to be difficult. So why change anything at all...right?

I used to think that some things would just come naturally. Relationships with friends and the opposite sex (provided that, in the case of the latter, it was the right person). Finding a career that you could love. Being confident in yourself.

But it all takes a substantial amount of effort. More than I ever would have believed.

I guess this is it. Childhood and adolescence truly are over. I'll be twenty in two short months. I suppose it's time I started acting it.