"Fear is the heart of love." So I never went back.

Ah, Death Cab. Lovely.

FDR once talked about his "firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Well, sir, with all due respect...

I disagree.

I realized today that I fear a lot of things. I think that above all, I fear rejection and failure. Which makes me just like approximately 98% of the rest of the human population. Or at least those that are within ten years of my age. Some people try to tell me that I'm afraid of commitment, but I think that that is only partially true. What I'm more afraid of is the heartache that tends to follow for me. I've always considered myself a risk-taker, but in matters of the heart, I may be one of the biggest cowards you will ever meet. Honestly, though, who could blame me? Look at my track record. One long-term relationship that sent my world crashing down around me when it ended, followed by a series of extremely short relationships that barely register as anything more than "flings." And even some of those really got to me.

I was at a restaurant with T. tonight, and as usual, she helped me figure myself out without even trying. Yes, I've made some mistakes. But they weren't out of foolishness; they were the only way I could've possibly figured out what I truly wanted. And I have figured that out. I know exactly what I want.

I'm just too afraid to make that last reach to get there.

Note: I know I've said, time and again, that I was done with
the whole overly personal insights into my life. Well, let me
tell you all something: I love to talk. About anything. My life
in particular. Talking about it, typing it up, writing it down...
they all help me get it out of my head and into the real world.
Where I can make sense of everything.
So J., and anyone else who hoped I wouldn't start limiting my
writing: here you are. My soul, laid bare. Enjoy.