And I'd be inclined to be yours for the taking.

I think my biggest problem is that I've grown accustomed to assholes. So when someone comes along that actually seems like they might be good for me, I do little passive-agressive things to fuck it all up. Not on purpose. Not even consciously. It just happens.

Why would anyone try to sabatoge something good in her life?

Because she's afraid of losing it. At least with M., all I lost was a cheating liar who used me for sex. But there's so much potential with B. Fucking it up there could mean losing someone who actually is interested in me and not just what he can get from me.

Do you know how rare it is to find a guy that wants something more than that?

Damn near impossible. And to make matters worse, he's cute and we can talk and he makes me laugh and (as far as I can tell), he's honest with me. The whole deal.

And here I am. Undecided and probably ruining everything and scared. That's the bottom line.

I'm just scared.