Hello, old friend

Well, "friend" might not be the best term for my insomnia. "Reluctant acquaintance" might fit better. I actually have been sleeping very well for the past week or so, but vast quantities of alcohol and purposely staying out until two or three in the morning will do that to a person. Or so I hear.

But tonight the culprit is a very real problem that I have been trying to deal with for the past several months. Money. It is kind of sad really...I'm nineteen years old, tossing and turning at five thirty in the morning because of credit card bills and paychecks and tuition payments. I discovered yesterday that other than the check I recieved on January 4th, I don't get paid this month. That check was around $400, and it has to pay for food, laundry, entertainment, two credit card payments, and a $630 tuition payment that's due in the first few days of February. You don't have to be a college-level student to know that that is not going to work. So last night I swallowed my pride (almost choking to death in the process), and called my dad to ask for money. I haven't done that in almost a year. It was one of the most disappointing things I have done in ages. And I have done a LOT of stupid, disappointing things recently.

I really think I need to take out a loan. Just a small one, ten thousand dollars or so. A fraction of what the vast majority of my peers are borrowing. And if I save just sixty or seventy percent of what I'm currently spending each month on tuition (or as the case will be this summer and next year, on rent), I will not only be able to afford the cost of living in Athens (and be able to finally pay off my credit cards), but also have almost the entire loan amount saved up by graduation. And I can use that money to buy a car in the next year or two, and still have enough left to pay about half of the loan amount at graduation. I would still graduate light-years ahead of my peers where debt is concerned. Which is why I'm not allowed to take out a loan in the first place; to graudate with an advantage. I'd still have a hell of an advantage if I take out that one tiny loan. I wouldn't even have to take it out every year; I'm confident that I could make that one loan, in addition to my job, last me for the remaining two and a half years I have left of school.

It should be said that I'm not technically paying for tuition; I have a scholarship that covers that. My $600+ payments each month are for room and board. And that payment will be drastically reduced next year when I move into my apartment.

I just don't think it is feasible for a college student these days to graduate without any debt at all, be it credit card or loan, unless she has a complete full-ride scholarship, and a job. Tuition rates have increased MUCH faster than inflation, making a debt-free higher education next to impossible. And federal aid hasn't increased at nearly the same rate either. Ten years ago, the Pell Grant was comparable to a full ride. Now? Not even close. I think it is downright impractical for my father to even expect me to not be in debt, especially considering the fact that he is giving me exactly nothing where money is concerned. I mean, he is giving me money for next month's payment, but I will have to pay that back. I'm not quite sure how to do that, seeing as how 90% of my paychecks already go to paying for school and necessities.

It's time to cut the cord. I am an adult, for chrissake. I am mature enough to be capable of making my own financial decisions. I shouldn't have to sit down and research every aspect of federal and private loans in order to take one out, but that is precisely what I will have to do if I want to convince my father that a loan is a practical decision. I should not even have to convince him, but that's me for you. I'm pretty sure I don't even qualify for federal loans, because I am still technically a dependant, and my dad's income is too high for that. It's not like there are eight kids in my family or anything. It's not like the next oldest after me starts college in the fall. Too bad the government doesn't look at that. To be quite frank, it is complete bullshit the way the government handles student aid. They don't care that I'm paying for school on my own. They don't care that my parents have 9 other people to care for besides myself, and therefore cannot shell out thousands of dollars every year for my education. Thanks, Uncle Sam.

I feel like I'm too young to be awake at this hour, analyzing my financial situation. Sadly, I think that I'm probably in the same boat as the majority, if not the entirety, of my peers. It's just that no one talks about it. I once read that money is less talked about than sex, especially amongst young people. Funny, isn't it? That we are all so worried and insecure about our financial situations that we would rather discuss our sex lives with each other.

I have half a mind to just get up for the day, go for a run, take a shower, and then go to class at nine. (Sidenote: It's warm enough out...mid fifties right now. And the forcast for tomorrow is seventy degrees. God, I love warm winters.) But I'm pretty sure that I'd be exhausted by the time I left work around eight or nine tonight...not to mention that the OSU national championship game is on tonight, and the fact that I still have a pretty bad cough that would probably stop my running within the first few minutes of starting. What a shame.