So I finally figured something out. I'm not afraid to risk when I know that what I'm risking is not that valuable. I'm willing to put myself out there, willing to get hurt, willing to fall over and over, as long as I realize that what I'm getting hurt over isn't something that I'll miss. But when something perfect comes along...I don't even try. Because if I get rejected by someone who I know is not good for me, who I know is not completely compatible with me, then I know it's no big deal. Something better will come along.
But when that Something Better actually does come along...I risk nothing for it. I stand back and let the situation happen, instead of taking the bull by the horns like I do with everything else in life. That is the one time I am ever timid or meek. The one time I don't jump. Because if I fuck that up...that's it. There will be nothing better.
So if anyone reading this has observed my behavior during the past few weeks and thought, What is her problem? Is she crazy?, the answer is no. I am not crazy. I'm just more scared than I've ever been in my life.
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